Friday, July 01, 2005

Why have you come to visit, anonymous Google employee?

Why have you come to visit, anonymous Google employee?

Yes, I saw you,
You spent a total of 23 minutes
and 18 seconds
on my Warped Tour review.
I appreciate the length of your visit,
you didn’t go to any other pages.
There’s so much more to see.

Why did you come?
Especially now,
on the eve
of the first month
that I will actually get
paid by AdSense.

I’ve been running ads for a year.
In June I finally broke the payment threshold.
So I’m a little paranoid.
Your visit worries me.

You see,
I haven’t had much luck with you,
anonymous Google employee.
You banished me to page 15
exactly one month
Warped Tour went live.

I feel so betrayed by you.
I’ve worked so hard.
I’ve done all the right things.
I haven’t done anything blackhat.
But you drop me under spam scrapper sites.
And you’ve yet to restore me
to my proper place
on page 1.

So now you’ve come to call,
What were you looking for?

Was my page OK?
I feel it met your guidelines.
I’ve stayed away from my own ads.
I’ve never clicked on them.
I’ve made my husband promise never to click on them.
I’ve made my kids promise never to click on them.
When they said,
and I said,
“Because it’s against the terms of Google”
and they said,
“That’s stupid”

and I said,
“No it’s not
because people pay for those ads.”
and they said,
“But what if you want to see them?”
and I said,
“Then just manually type in the URL.”
and they said,
“That’s stupid.”
I hit them for you.

Because I love you,
anonymous Google employee,
and I never want to make you mad at me.

Even though
our relationship
is emotionally abusive.
I love you still.

Why have you come?

I know my click through rate
jumps by over 1.0 some days.
But I can’t help that

When you push those
free Warped Tour ticket ads
onto my page,
visitors click on them.

I don't ask them to.
They just want to.

Wouldn’t you?

I mean, hey,
Free Warped Tour tickets.

But my little page is ok.
Isn’t it?

Please don’t drop me from AdSense,
anonymous Google employee.
I’ve been a good girl.

Please send me my check
for $106.73.
I’ve worked so hard for it
this past year.

And maybe
after you send me my check
for $106.73
you could bump me up a bit
in the search results?

At least to page 3?

A Google poem, by WarpedTourMom


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